Take charge of your perception of present moment reality by slowing down, breathing slowly, and affirming that you are OK as you are, even though you may be having some insecure thoughts, feelings or bodily reactions, which tend to feel uncomfortable. The more we can acknowledge and tolerate such discomfort, and see it as normal and healthy, the more present we can be for ourselves and others. Over time, practicing a positive mindset will result in less and less regression and reactivity during stressful situations.
We are born into the world with survival instincts that revolve around seemingly insatiable needs to be physically secure, to have value or purpose, and to belong to a community. As we grow and develop, these basic insecurities serve as drives to adapt in order to satisfy these needs. In the process we develop strengths, talents, skills, capabilities, achievements, and relationships that are useful for individual and group survival. And yet, when stressed or threatened, we easily revert back to primitive feelings of vulnerability and reactive thought and behavior patterns that are typical of early childhood. This can be especially problematic during relationship challenges when both parties are feeling insecure.
By offering unconditional love to all your thoughts, feelings, and actions, in the forms shown in the 5 step pyramid above, you begin to rebuild or enhance your sense of self. It is even possible to rebuild your relationship to your child self by recalling distant memories and imagining your present day self appearing to offer compassionate support during situations where it was needed but lacking. Repeating such a visualization many times enables you to re-parent yourself.
The more your identity is attached to what is familiar to you, the harder it is to experience today and tomorrow without being under the influence of your past. By becoming the observer of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you can begin to appreciate how the large majority of them are arising in relation to past, and not present, experience. Who are you, if not the storyline that orients you to your world. What would it be like to step beyond it? What becomes possible?
The human mind creates our "experiences" by linking processes of thought, feeling, and action which take place in different parts of the brain. Mindfulness practices and self-reflection can help us recognize how we create and maintain false personal "realities" or story lines, and open doorways to transformation.
Our 3 deepest fears are that we are not safe, we do not matter, and that we do not belong. Fear drives us to address these essential needs in some way and to be on the lookout for any threats to their not being met. Perceptions that our security needs are being met bring satisfaction and pride, while indications they are not being met brings angst and shame. To ensure survival of our species, our brains evolved a heightened sensitivity to insecurity fears, a strong propensity (bias) to be suspicious, doubting, or go negative. That is why it is important to counterbalance this leaning by noticing and appreciating all evidence that we are safe, secure, and connected. Practicing gratitude works.
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Deeper self awareness and personal transformation are facilitated by creating a safe, warm, accepting environment where each person is invited to relax, experience what is going on inside, and express whatever thoughts, feelings, and responses arise in regard to something they wish to explore. Try it out!
Evolution of life as we know it depends on the interplay of division and unification.
Says Rumi: Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two a beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings. This is good reason to celebrate our differences!
Complex associations of thoughts, feelings, & responses based on past experience create our personal "reality." Simply by slowing down and observing, without judgment, the process of the mind we begin to construct a new mindset, one that more and more reflects our present moment experience. By grounding ourselves in a sense of OKness ("in this moment I am safe, I matter, and I belong, no matter what is being felt or thought") while activating the insecurities of the past our minds can update to a perspective of security.
What we think we know (beliefs) and who we think we are (identity) are stored networks of thoughts, feelings & actions carried forward from past experience. So who I am in the present moment is the experiencing of arising thoughts, feelings and actions, both those happening now and stored ones that are being re-experienced.
As we reactivate stored patterns of thinking-feeling-acting (unconscious material) and re-experience them with an attitude of present moment, nonjudgmental awareness we update our minds and bodies. With practice, this growing center of awareness gradually incorporates and transforms all past experience, bringing us into a full, timeless, state of being and becoming, ever more willing to encounter the unfamiliar and unknown.
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